You’ve Learned To Say No – How About Yes?

There is an old adage that says that you become what you focus on.

As I contemplate that insight, I think about the many messages that we are bombarded with that insist we say “no” to.

Say “no” to drugs.

Say “no” to bullies.

Say “no” to the oppression of others.

Say “no” to ………..

I wonder sometimes if we have focused on saying “no” to so many things that we have forgotten how to say “yes” to much any more - that we have become conditioned to lean towards “no” when faced with a decision.

“No” seems so safe, doesn’t it?  In a world of uncertainty, many people believe that while a “yes” may put them at high risk, the worst that a “no” can do is leave them where they were before with nothing gained BUT nothing lost either.

It is true that the ability to say “no” can be an important skill to have; for example if you are contemplating whether or not you should walk down that dark alley alone, invest in a company that claims to have perfected eternal life or jump out of a plane with a sleeping bag on your back instead of a parachute.

Perhaps the ability may be of some use when deciding if you really need that new car, the house that is twice is large as you really need or that second piece of cheese cake.

Yes, “no” can come in handy. :-)

However, sometimes, the Universe / God / karma / whatever will put things in front of us because we need to say “yes”.

Perhaps we need to say “yes” to better enable us for the next big step in our life.

Maybe we need to say “yes” to better enable us to serve others.

It is possible that we need to say “yes” to allow us to find a solution to a challenge.

Perhaps we need to say “yes” to create or experience collaboration, healing or love.

If we constantly use the word “no” every time an opportunity manifests, for whatever reason, then perhaps we are denying ourselves and others a chance to reach our fullest potential.

Learning to say “yes” more is not easy.  The inability to say “yes” is rooted in many things, but I think the most common reasons are excess ego and fear.

Excess ego tells me that there is not enough in it for me, I can do it better myself or that the only one who can be trusted to get it done is myself.

Fear tells me that perhaps I am incapable of rising to the occasion of “yes”, that I may screw it up once I get engaged in the opportunity or that I am unworthy of the opportunity.

So “no’ slips out of our mouth or manifests in our actions much easier – there is a lot less to contemplate.  After all, “no” doesn’t set us back (so we think) while “yes” often has to run the gauntlet of internal struggle, before eventually acquiescing to a “no” or the equally dangerous “maybe” that is presented as a potential “yes” but is actually meant to be a disguised “no”.

We can look at every experience that is placed in front of us, say “no” to everything (thinking we are playing it safe) and live our lives, oblivious to the potential we are denying in ourselves and others.

Playing it safe …….. yeah …… right.

I shared on a previous blog (“The Importance of Conversation”) how I happened to be in a situation a few years ago where a woman in my presence was contemplating suicide (I didn’t know it at the time).  Something told me that something was wrong and I initially fought off the urge to say or do anything. 

I wanted to say “no” to the feeling for a variety of reasons, but eventually I gave in to the feeling.  I said “yes” to the Universe and engaged in conversation with a complete stranger.

In turn, she could have said “no”, discouraged my help and then completed the deed she had intended for herself.

However, she also said “yes”.

We both said “yes” and that made all the difference.

Perhaps if we explored “yes” a little more often we might find that Life is a lot more rewarding for ourselves and others.

I’m not suggesting that we be reckless about how we say “yes”.

However, to say “yes” more often is no more reckless than to say “no” more than we should.

What do you think?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

The detailed blog entry for “You’ve Learned To Say No – How About Yes?” is the same as this one and can be found here.

Seeing It Again For the First Time

I was making a turn at an intersection today when I noticed, for the first time, that if I look between two buildings across the street, that I can see the Rocky Mountains in the distance.

I’ve made this turn a gazillion times.

I’ve seen those buildings a gazillion times.

Therefore, I have to have seen the Rocky Mountains between them a gazillion times.

But today is the first time I was aware of them.

A minor event that was occurring across the street as I was making the turn caused me to see them

As I completed my turn and drove on, I got to thinking about how often this happens in life.

Perhaps a similar situation exists in:

…. a relationship that is at an impasse because no one can see a way to heal it.

…. a business challenge that seems impossible to solve because it appears to be too complex.

…. a personal obstacle that one strains to overcome but stress levels or mental baggage prevent an objective evaluation of it.

…. an unexpected event that comes out of nowhere but threatens to delay a personal or professional project in play.

…. a global issue that threatens everyone but contains no obvious solution as people put posturing before solutions since posturing seems like the only way out.

Many times, the answer to the challenge that threatens to undermine the parties involved is right in front of them, literally staring back at them.

However, they have spent so long staring at the answer that they don’t actually see it.

Maybe, sometimes, we need to allow an external influence to help us to really SEE.

The external influence may be a seemingly random, insignificant event that distracts us for the brief moment that allows us to see things differently.

Perhaps it is something as simple as intentionally looking at something else for a short while (not recommended while driving).

Perhaps the external influence may be a fresh set of eyes who haven’t grown weary staring at the same thing that appears to have numbed our ability to see the obvious.

Perhaps …

Here’s an interesting experiment to try.

If you have a phone book (printed, electronic, whatever) look for your name or the name of someone you know who will be in the phonebook.

Scan down through the list until you find the person you are looking for and then scan across and look at their phone number.

Now …. close the book.

And with the book closed, identify the name of the person that appeared two names before the person you were looking for.

Most people cannot.   You saw the name, you processed it for the moment and then you discarded it from your memory as no longer being essential, having served its purpose.

Some things are like that – essential for the moment but not important from the standpoint of being analyzed and remembered.

However, many things are important and yet we still don’t see them or make cognitive note of them.

When an external event, an objective observer or other influence causes you to “stop and see”, make a note of what you are experiencing.  The message contained in what you see may be more important than you realize.

When I sit in quiet contemplation, seeking guidance to challenges and obstacles in front of me, I don’t pray for quick solutions or easy bailouts.

I quietly ask for guidance to help me to see.

What are you observing today?

More importantly, what do you SEE?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

PS.  Maybe when we stop to “see”, we might also discover the beauty that exists in what we previously perceived as “the mundane”. :-)

My detailed entry for “Seeing It Again For the First Time”, is the same as this one and can be found here.

Sowing the Seeds of Hope

As a strategy guy, I look upon the world some days with great concern.  In fact, if I evaluate the world using the same lens and filters that I use when working with Fortune 25 companies, I am alarmed about where we are heading and how we are getting there.

However, every once in a while, I am reminded that we have reasons for hope.

Today I happened to overhear a performance review in a local Starbucks. 

It was a very positive review for the Starbucks partner, which in itself is nothing new to any organization that values its processes and its staff.

However, listening to this review, I was deeply touched by the interaction.

The young partner is a wonderful example of the gifts that EVERYONE brings to the table in the journey we call Life.

She exemplifies the notion that EVERYONE on this planet has potential to make a huge difference to those around them.

She is an example of how EVERYONE deserves an opportunity to allow their gifts to shine.

She is also an example of someone who powerfully demonstrates that sometimes, if a person may not feel like they have equal opportunity to bring their gifts to the table, that ANYONE can accomplish what they put their mind to when we all work together to bring out the best in each other.

This young partner has Down’s Syndrome. 

So what?

She is a powerful reminder that we must never dismiss someone just because we might perceive they are not as capable of others.

Because in truth, that is merely a perception and a poor, inaccurate one at that – nothing could be further from the truth.

And as I listen to this exchange built upon respect, love and encouragement, I am reminded of something else.

That as long as exchanges like this occur around the world, the seeds of hope are still being planted.

Seeds that have the potential to blossom into a world of incredible potential and beauty.

We are called every day to help plant seeds of hope whenever we can.

Have you planted your seeds today?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

My detailed version of “Sowing the Seeds of Hope” is the same as this one and can be found here.

The Blame Game – Less Fun Than Monopoly ….

…. and not as productive either.

Recently, as an intellectual exercise and in the midst of all the hacking going on with large organizations, I explored some companies in the oil and gas sector in Canada in a non-intrusive way to see how secure their infrastructure was.

If I saw holes in their security, I sent the CTO / CIO / CEO (in that preference order, depending on who I found on their website) an email outlining the concern and how to fix it.  The email also clearly stated I was providing this information as a complimentary service and was NOT a solicitation for business (the email contents is on my detailed blog here).

I know that such an email might be received with a little skepticism, as people who have an interest in helping while expecting nothing in return may be viewed with suspicion.

However, an email response I received this morning deserves special mention.

According to the email, one of the companies that I had contacted was in fact hacked over the weekend and some information was lifted from the servers and the CEO was holding me partially responsible.

To quote the gentleman from his email:

“I hold you partially responsible, Mr. Tucker.  If you had worked harder at convincing me that you weren’t soliciting me and that your email wasn’t a prank, I would have taken the appropriate action that would have prevented this from happening.”.

Ah yes, the blame game.  A one-minute test by his IT team would have determined that my email was quite authentic, both in diagnosis and recommendation for correction.

This was one minute he was unwilling to spend. 

However, it took him more time to write the email to me than it would have taken to authenticate the message that I sent to him.  The downstream ramifications of the intrusion are also unknown, depending on what information was lifted and who lifted it.

The universe is filled with messages, some containing opportunity and some containing warnings.

Oftentimes, we are so busy or we are so filled with ego, that we don’t hear these important messages.

Unfortunately, if we miss these messages and pay some type of penalty as a result, it seems pretty easy to find the time to explain why others are responsible for us not hearing the message.

I know for the many mistakes I have made in my Life, I could, at the time, find many people to blame.

Innocence feels pretty good, doesn’t it?

Yes, it is easy to blame others.

But if we do so, we hurt others unnecessarily and miss the opportunity for personal growth.

And if we insist on blaming others while missing the learning opportunity ….

…. the lesson will repeat itself

….. perhaps with increasing pain and pressure

….. until we finally get it.

Now if you will excuse me, I have a few messages to listen to from the Universe.

How about you?

In service and servanthood,

Harry

My detailed blog entry for “The Blame Game – Less Fun Than Monopoly ….” can be found here.

“I’m Lost”

Allegedly you will never hear these words come out of the mouth of the average male driver.  Apparently, we of the male gender would rather get lost in the middle of nowhere and die of hunger or thirst rather than admit that we don’t know where we are.

I wonder sometimes if this is true of many government or business leaders as well.

Perhaps it is true of many of us in general.

As a strategy guy, measurable outcomes are everything for me.  My thought is that if you don’t know where you are going, you will never set out in the right direction, you will never know how close you are to your destination and you will never actually know when you arrive (if you do at all).

I often hear people say “we are tracking towards our objective”, “we are halfway there”, “we are almost there”, etc. and when I ask if they can actually define what the destination looks like, they haven’t the foggiest idea.

So my question then becomes …..

How do you know?

This question makes many people uncomfortable.  They would rather live in a fantasy world where knowing is less important than just having a gut instinct that they will know what it looks like when they get there or where excessive ego assures them that they have it all under control and don’t need anyone else’s help to get there.

If they get there.

Lewis Carroll, with his brilliance in many areas, captured this conundrum perfectly with this insightful quote from “Alice in Wonderland”:

“ One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take?” she asked. “Where do you want to go?” was his response. “I don’t know,” Alice answered. “Then,” said the cat, “it doesn’t matter. ”

So whether you have a personal or professional destination in mind, make it a point to know where you are going and having determined this, know the path you intend to take.  You may not know what every inch of the path looks like in advance but choosing a path is still critical.

Because if you don’t know where you are going, any path will do.

The only problem with this is that the likelihood of you reaching your intended destination, having selected a path at random or allowing a path to be selected on your behalf, is relatively slim and for many people, almost non-existent.

Some people enjoy the journey, ignoring the destination.  For those people, the path is probably irrelevant.

However, if the destination is important for you or for others who are depending on you, know what the destination looks like and have some idea how you are getting there.

Otherwise, at some point, there is a good chance that you may find yourself uttering the dreaded words:

“I’m lost”

Or even worse ….

… someone else, through their words or actions, may be telling you:

“You’re lost”

or

“We are all lost, thanks to you”.

Each of us is far too amazing a miracle to allow our gifts and talents to be hidden, misdirected or untapped because we didn’t know where we were going ….

…. or where we were being called to be, in fulfillment of our purpose and unlimited potential.

In service and servanthood,

Harry

This entry is the same as my detailed blog entry for “I’m Lost”, which can be found here.