Is Optimism Killing Us?

I’ve noticed an interesting trend lately in many circles, especially in the corporate and government worlds.

If you point out a problem or even acknowledge that a problem exists, then you are a pessimist.

Meanwhile, the things we want to pretend aren’t happening continue to grow in frequency and intensity.

For examples, please see my detailed blog here.

Equally insidious are the people who are trying to convince their management, peers and minions that everything is under control so people shouldn’t ask questions.

When people like me come along, insatiably curious about everything, we are a threat to their peace of mind.  After all, people who don’t accept with blind faith that everything is perfectly under control are a danger to the myth they are trying to impart upon others and a threat to their ego.

That being said, optimism and hope are critical attributes to have.  Without them, it is easy to feel overwhelmed, that we have no chance of surviving that which we are facing.  If we feel overwhelmed, we give up hope and lie down in defeat.

We must always have hope that great, wonderful things are before us.

But until we acknowledge that oftentimes there really are difficult and challenging obstacles that must be overcome first, we will still be smiling with the deer-in-the-headlights look when the thing we pretended wasn’t there runs right over us, whether it be a personal failure, a corporate blunder or a government collapse.

Being a pessimist is not productive on many levels and can be extremely crippling to you and those around you.

Being an uber-optimist is not much better.

I think it is better to be a realist with an optimistic outlook – that it is ok to acknowledge that we have challenges before us but that through intelligent, proactive action, we will overcome it together.

Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel may actually be a train.  If I deny it’s a train, it will run right over me.

But if I acknowledge it is a train, then I can work to solve the problem and convert the light at the end of the tunnel into a ray of hope.

And that is where optimism and positive thinking work best – as the fuel to help us believe that we WILL overcome our challenges …..

…. whatever they are ……

…. together.

In service and servanthood.

Harry

For my detailed blog about “Is Optimism Killing Us?”, please click here.

How Easily Intimidated Are You?

How easily intimidated are you when interacting with other people whom you consider to be “empowered” or “superior” in some way? 

Many of us have had an opportunity to interact with someone who feels intimidating to be around.  This perception of intimidation produces in some people’s minds, a wrestling match between their ego and the other person’s (even though the other person is unaware of it).  The wrestling match produces one of three outcomes from the perspective of the observer:

1. My ego is ok with this and we can find things to collaborate around.

2. My ego feels it is not worthy and I don’t understand why he would bother with me, therefore I will not participate for fear of not living up to his expectations.

3. My ego feels it is threatened, that his ego will exert influence over me or have knowledge that I don’t (thus making me look bad) and so I will avoid the opportunity to collaborate.

For those in categories 2 or 3, when they discover that the “intimidating” person really wants a true win-win collaboration, this throws their ego off even more and suggests to them that the other person must have an ulterior motive on top of an inflated ego.  This deepens their reasoning that their ego must be protected from embarrassment and ridicule at all cost and so a collaboration must be avoided.

Meanwhile, those in category 1 know that the only difference between arrogance and confidence in the one they observe is usually just perspective - notice I said usually :-).

People may be surprised to know how many people there are in categories 2 and 3 who are in high positions of power; whether in government, business or other institutions.  I believe that categories 2 and 3 make up a significant percentage of people in positions of leadership.

What a Waste of Potential

We waste so many opportunities to collaborate and to create positive results for the greater good when we fail to realize that we all bring incredible gifts, talents and strengths to the table. 

With such gifts, there is no need for ego-wrestling.  We all need each other.

The threatened observer, while perceiving a large ego in the observed …. 

is merely observing the gap in egos between the observer and the observed and not the ego of the observed.

In other words, it’s not that the observed person has too great an ego ….

it’s that the observer may have too small an ego.

A More Insidious Intimidation

While we choose to work with people (or not) based on this ego gap, there is another type of intimidation going on in the world that we accept but I believe is potentially more crippling or debilitating in our lives.

I call this intimidation “information or intellectual intimidation”, the use of facts, figures, credentials or a majority opinion to force people into a desired action even when the facts are nebulous, inaccurate or downright wrong.

One could write thousands of pages, citing many examples (I include some examples in my detailed blog here).   There are many challenges that trouble people privately and professionally and yet they are kept quiet for fear of losing their job, their friends, their family, etc.

The “emperor is not wearing any clothing” but for a variety of reasons, we stay quiet or look the other way. Meanwhile, our challenges grow – we just don’t discuss them publicly.

This seems to be to be the ultimate intimidation. and given the potential impact, a very dangerous one.

We Need To Decide What is Really Important

So our ego works to protect us from what it perceives as immediate threats against itself when we engage in one-on-one interactions, when many of those interactions may have produced results far greater than anything we could ever have accomplished by ourselves.

Meanwhile, greater threats to our prosperity and well-being are at play every day and yet we don’t see them or we are afraid to have an opinion about them, for a variety of reasons.

I wonder if our egos need to choose our battles more intelligently.

On the one side, our ego rises to protect us without having any facts to justify its behavior.

On the other side, it accepts things from certain people with specific titles, again without having any facts.  However, many of us make the mistake of assuming that having a title makes some people superior in intention, morals or values and so facts aren’t important in these situations.

When we strip the titles off those people, they are all just people and so our ego should hold them accountable to the same set of rules.

As Neale Donald Walsch wrote:

Be aware

Be honest

Be responsible

Let’s apply our ego consistently across the board – to collaborate, to question, to see the gifts in ourselves and others and to make a difference for ourselves and the greater good.

Better yet, don’t let your ego do the talking or thinking for you.  What does your spirit or instinct tell you?

In service and servanthood.

Harry

For my detailed blog “How Easily Intimidated Are You?”, please click here.

Making a Difference or Just Pleasing Yourself

(This is slightly longer than my typical “Musings-in-a-Minute”.  I didn’t want to remove any detail from my most recent blog …. read on)!

I've been disrupted this evening by two quotes. The first, by Leo Rosten, is:

"The purpose of life is not to be happy - but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all."

I'll get to the second one a little later in this post.

As with many pearls of wisdom, we read them, absorb them and then move on with our busy lives.

But this time, I happened across these two quotes while looking into the eyes of a young child in an online campaign designed to raise funds for children in developing nations. The child was sickly and starving - someone who lived in a world without hope, without dreams... wondering if anyone out there cared at all.

Wondering if this is all there is.

And when this sequence of events coalesced at the same moment this evening, it made me stop and think "How much do we REALLY do for others"?

Yes, we talk a lot about doing the right things and many of us do the token, obligatory acts of giving that don’t require a lot of effort and then we clap ourselves on the shoulder, congratulate ourselves regarding our benevolence and we move on with our lives.

How much do we REALLY think of people like this child?

I recently went through a pretty serious house-cleaning where I got rid of hundreds of promotional t-shirts, pens, pins and other stuff designed to help me think of the companies that gave them to me.

The promotional industry calls this stuff swag. As I got rid of it, to me it wasn't swag - it was junk.

Junk that occupied valuable space in my home, costs me money to move if I keep it, is negatively impactful on the environment to create, is wasteful to distribute and will be a detriment to the environment if not disposed of properly. Meanwhile, I am not using any of it for the purpose it was designed.

So from my perspective, it IS junk. It is of no benefit to me at all.

A lot of time goes into selecting the right items, deciding who gets them and when it is appropriate to deliver them.

More thought and money goes into the swag (junk) industry than is going into helping others.

Thankfully, not all companies and individuals think this way.

Some companies actually prefer a different approach. One such company, Henge Production and Consulting, buys goats on behalf of its clients instead of providing the clients with the usual t-shirts, pens, mouse pads and other useless paraphernalia. These goats allegedly make their way to destitute families in developing nations, helping to lift these families out of the dire situations that they are in.

However, this raises a question.

When such a gift is made, do the goats actually make it to these families or is this just another scam to help us feel good about helping others while not accomplishing anything measurable or useful for those in need?

Clients of Henge challenged Henge with this very question and the owners of Henge paused and realized:

"We actually don't know the answer - do our ethical gifts actually make a difference?"

So Henge set out to discover if their act of ethical gifting actually delivers goats to families in developing nations and if so, do these goats make a difference to the recipients?

Their incredible journey has been documented in a soon-to-be-released documentary entitled "Where's My Goat?". In the film, Christopher Richardson, a producer at Henge, sets out on a journey that takes him halfway around the world in his quest to find his goats and to understand what, if any, impact they have.

Do his goats exist? Does anyone benefit from such a gift or is it truly a feel-good Western ideal (or worse, is it a scam that produces nothing of value except to the scammer)?

You'll have to watch the film to find out. You can find out more on their Facebook page - http://tinyurl.com/3xunzs4.

As you watch the film, you will be moved by the passion of a man as he seeks the answer to the question

"Are my intentions of making a difference in the world REALLY making a difference"?

If you have an opportunity to watch the film, be prepared to be disrupted and then ask yourself this question:

"Am I REALLY doing enough for others?"

Your heart will know the answer.

Follow your heart - it will take you places that will surprise you and will impact others for a lifetime.

As for the second of the two quotes I mentioned earlier, it was written by Daniel Berrigan and goes like this:

"Sometime in your life, hope that you might see one starved man, the look on his face when the bread finally arrives. Hope that you might have baked it or bought or even kneaded it yourself. For that look on his face, for your meeting his eyes across a piece of bread, you might be willing to lose a lot, or suffer a lot, or die a little, even."

Mr. Richardson's film is, I believe, a call to look into the eyes of someone who needs help.

When you do so, I'll bet you won't be able to resist helping them to the best of your ability.

And what's wrong with that?

In service and servanthood.

Harry